What divorce rings taught me about regaining confidence after a layoff

The great American football coach Lou Holtz once said, "It's not the load that breaks you down, it's the way you carry it." I don't know a lot about football, but I have personally witnessed what a mindset shift can do to transform a negative outlook on a life event into a positive opportunity for growth and new possibilities.

I recently read about the growing popularity of divorce rings in Vogue Business. Amy Francombe explored the phenomenon of newly divorced women taking the gems from their wedding rings and turning them into new adornments to symbolize their multitudes and resilience. Emily Ratajkowski said of her new divorce ring that she loved the "idea of a ring unabashedly representing the many lives a woman has lived". 

As I read about this trend, I thought about my own recent separation, not from the supposed love of my life, but from a job I'd grown to cherish over the last year and a half. I was made aware in March that my position was being eliminated, that I'd have 2 months to find new employment either internally or externally before receiving a severance package, and that my soon-to-be-former company was grateful for the time I spent on the team.

As someone who'd never been laid off before, I found the emotional upheaval that followed the news to be an unwelcome shock to my system. I cried. I gave myself permission to feel betrayed, humiliated, angry, and upset. I ate junk food. I drank canned wine. I spent days in PJs from dusk to dawn. I'd wake up and revisit my job search at 4 am, unable to sleep.

But then, after a while, I slowly remembered that embracing change and uncertainty has more often than not led me to better opportunities in life. I witnessed the eclipse within the zone of totality and realized how small my problems were. I stopped drinking. I found structure in my wellness journal. I tried (and mostly failed) Pilates Bar exercises. I restarted therapy. I read voraciously. Most significantly, I made the decision to decouple my personal confidence from an employment status or company. I felt a sense of freedom and accomplishment in just beginning a new chapter that I may not have chosen myself, but that could serve me well regardless.

I consider this new chapter, Strategy By Shelby, my own way of embracing the multitudes of my career following my layoff. I'm extracting the gems I've gained through years of helping brands, both homegrown and household names, and transforming them into resonant strategies as a way to help small- and medium-sized businesses and brands throughout the place I call home-- the Midwest.

I hope that my reflections, not just on life after layoffs, but also on trends that pique my interest and strategies that challenge industry and cultural norms, can serve as a source of inspiration for fellow strategists, entrepreneurs, and people on the move.

As a Black woman, I’ve found it critical that I not spend too much time and energy on the things I can’t control when life starts, you know… life-ing. What I can control is how I reclaim my time, space, and sense of self from institutions and ideas that only serve to limit my scope of impact. 

In the course of this reclamation, I find myself more invigorated by the idea that what I seek through work and beyond can be sustained through deeper connections to my community; deeper bonds with the people I hold dear; and deeper commitment to the promise of a better tomorrow if I am willing to show up for it.